Blog

Here I am

I’m just a nobody who wants to leave a footprint behind. I don’t know why. It’s just like that. I created this blog because I want an outlet for my thoughts. A place where I don’t have to mask myself. I always tried to appear less weird than I am and I’m sick of it. My life was pretty crazy so far and it left a mark on me. I don’t feel normal anymore and that’s fine. Through the years I entered rooms, just a few people ever entered. I was in situations that were quite unique. I met people who were really special. An open mind and a calm presence were properly the reason for it. Somehow people easily trust me and I’m happy about that. I don’t have ill intentions and I guess people know that. Of course for some normal folks I’m just too weird. That honestly hurts sometimes. I don’t get why people have this barrier against weird people but I somehow envied people with normal life. A broad horizon can be exhausting. I always wondered what could have been if the start wasn’t so complicated. I was shaped by rape, negelect, abuse and other not so nice things. I always searched for an outlet for my emotions. Alcohol, weed, danger and creativity, video games, and so on were my go tos. Something that makes me feel strong emotions. Maybe to numb myself, I don’t know. I tried to understand myself for many years now and I’m not getting any closer. Maybe it’s actually not that important. It may be more important to accept oneself and live as the being one is. That’s at least where I stand now. 

The status quo:

I have a steady job as a guitar and trumpet teacher. I love my work. Music was always the source of my strength. The biggest gift I ever received. Now I’m giving it back and that’s amazing. I won’t write much about my work because it’s nothing I want to explore publicly. I want to write about what I’m doing on the side. 

My David vs Goliath:

Oh man what have I gotten myself into again hahaha. It’s so typical for me and I always do it again. I picked a fight with someone bigger than me. That’s a weird passion of mine. Sometimes I experience injustice and have the urge to fight against it, no matter how big the opposing entity is. Now my fight is against an OnlyFans creator and OF itself. She tried to scam me. Loooooong story hahahaha. The short of it: I found out that her account is run by an agency and I thought that is super f*cked up. People expect to text with her (for money of course) and then just some dude in Columbia texts back. Super weird. Why do I know all of that? That’s a rabbit hole I’ll entangle over the course of the next few blog entries. My mission now: Bring her to justice. I contacted some institutions, had a little chat with OnlyFans and now I gotta wait for what's happening. I’m really stubborn so that journey will continue a little longer. 

Music:

Right now it's a creative time :) I’m composing lots of music, trying to get my singing into working state, upgrade my piano skills and my virtuosity on the trumpet. I’m a studied guitar player by the way. A real Bachelor of Music whatever that’s worth. But I’m not so interested in guitar anymore. I want to create art and the piano is more what I see as a fitting canvas. Singing is fun and if it ever reaches a state where it’s worth sharing, my ability to form my emotions and impressions into sounds will improve a lot. I hope to drop a lot of music soon but I’m giving it the time to evolve. No deadline in sight. Only my ambitions and my will to create. Everyday a little further and hopefully someday something others can experience for themself. 

Streaming:

I have this fun side quest where I stream games on Twitch. I’m an affiliate but just a small fish in the immense ocean that is the streaming world. It’s just my funny little thingy. Probably won’t develop into anything but a fun outlet that has nothing to do with music and that’s honestly very refreshing.