Blog

Crypto and Brenda



The crypto trading rabbit hole:
I got myself into something again. I met this girl on tinder and she wants to teach me about crypto trading. I’m always interested in making a quick buck so I was interested. It took a few days till I wasn’t sick anymore and today I bought my first crypto. Now I gotta wait because for some reason I can withdraw them tomorrow at the earliest. Germany I guess. I got warned for scams twice and still continued. Is that stupid? Probably. But I’m always interested in going all the way, no matter if it looks dangerous. So I might lose a few bucks because I was stupid. That’s a risk I’m willing to take. I just want to know where she takes me. It might be an interesting route so the money doesn't really matter. Worst case: I learn something. That’s good. I’ll inform myself about trading a bit and then I have a new skill. I’m always like that. I blindly trust people but I always know when to quit before the damage might get too severe. So let’s find out where it will take me. 

About Brenda (the OnlyFans thingy): 

What actually happened? There was this actress I liked and I wanted to book her for a stay in Germany. Originally she wanted to meet with me in Dubai, South Korea or Norway. Countries where this kind of stuff is illegal. Yeah, I know that’s kinda wild. But I wanted to meet her and I was fine with the cost and everything. She gave me her WhatsApp and we talked for some weeks. She wanted to get to know me before we meet each other. In that time she told me, that she doesn’t really enjoy her job and only does it for the money. It even makes her sick sometimes. My response was that I could not sleep with her, if that’s what she is feeling. So I ended up canceling the whole thing and she was not happy about it. She offered to be my girlfriend for a year instead (for a fee of course) and I was interested. We would chat regularly, do some video calls and whatever. She even said that it would be official. Like she would not date anybody for that year. I found that offer fascinating and really thought about it. But I didn’t go through with it because she wanted to text on OnlyFans with me and not on WhatsApp anymore. I didn’t like the way she texted on OnlyFans with me so I ended up saying no to the offer. She exploded and called me lots of names which didn’t end up hurting me, so it was fine. As she blocked me on WhatsApp so I texted “her” on OnlyFans and tried to get an explanation out of her for why she acted so heartlessly. We really bonded over those weeks we chatted on WhatsApp so I didn’t really get why she tried to “destroy me”, as she called her name calling. She ended sending me a last WhatsApp message telling me: You did not text with me on OnlyFans, you texted with my agency and I’m actually married so f*ck you. I was baffled by this, because she offered me this girlfriend thing. So I would have paid quite a sum of money to text with an agency on OnlyFans and she would actually be married in the background. I did not like that she tried to scam me so I was sure that I needed to do something about it. I got in contact with the Police in her country because she offers s*x in countries where it’s illegal. Then I contacted the Embassy about it and later OnlyFans itself. It took some explaining but now they review her account, but as it stands it’s still active. So nothing really happened. I was somewhat furious about how she acted towards me so I tried to take her down and I’m not happy about it. I really loved her in some way. But I did not think it’s alright what she is doing and I wanted to stop it. Soon I explained what I felt for her and how that whole situation was for me. I still have the thought of revenge but I actually see no way to get it as it stands. OnlyFans aren’t doing anything and what the Police and the Embassy are doing is unclear to me. I could still go to the press but I’m not sure if I want to. I guess I’ll wait a few days and see how I feel about it. Normally I don’t give up so easily but I actually don’t like the thought of destroying her. 

Here I am



I’m just a nobody who wants to leave a footprint behind. I don’t know why. It’s just like that. I created this blog because I want an outlet for my thoughts. A place where I don’t have to mask myself. I always tried to appear less weird than I am and I’m sick of it. My life was pretty crazy so far and it left a mark on me. I don’t feel normal anymore and that’s fine. Through the years I entered rooms, just a few people ever entered. I was in situations that were quite unique. I met people who were really special. An open mind and a calm presence were properly the reason for it. Somehow people easily trust me and I’m happy about that. I don’t have ill intentions and I guess people know that. Of course for some normal folks I’m just too weird. That honestly hurts sometimes. I don’t get why people have this barrier against weird people but I somehow envied people with normal life. A broad horizon can be exhausting. I always wondered what could have been if the start wasn’t so complicated. I was shaped by rape, negelect, abuse and other not so nice things. I always searched for an outlet for my emotions. Alcohol, weed, danger and creativity, video games, and so on were my go tos. Something that makes me feel strong emotions. Maybe to numb myself, I don’t know. I tried to understand myself for many years now and I’m not getting any closer. Maybe it’s actually not that important. It may be more important to accept oneself and live as the being one is. That’s at least where I stand now. 

The status quo:

I have a steady job as a guitar and trumpet teacher. I love my work. Music was always the source of my strength. The biggest gift I ever received. Now I’m giving it back and that’s amazing. I won’t write much about my work because it’s nothing I want to explore publicly. I want to write about what I’m doing on the side. 

My David vs Goliath:

Oh man what have I gotten myself into again hahaha. It’s so typical for me and I always do it again. I picked a fight with someone bigger than me. That’s a weird passion of mine. Sometimes I experience injustice and have the urge to fight against it, no matter how big the opposing entity is. Now my fight is against an OnlyFans creator and OF itself. She tried to scam me. Loooooong story hahahaha. The short of it: I found out that her account is run by an agency and I thought that is super f*cked up. People expect to text with her (for money of course) and then just some dude in Columbia texts back. Super weird. Why do I know all of that? That’s a rabbit hole I’ll entangle over the course of the next few blog entries. My mission now: Bring her to justice. I contacted some institutions, had a little chat with OnlyFans and now I gotta wait for what's happening. I’m really stubborn so that journey will continue a little longer. 

Music:

Right now it's a creative time :) I’m composing lots of music, trying to get my singing into working state, upgrade my piano skills and my virtuosity on the trumpet. I’m a studied guitar player by the way. A real Bachelor of Music whatever that’s worth. But I’m not so interested in guitar anymore. I want to create art and the piano is more what I see as a fitting canvas. Singing is fun and if it ever reaches a state where it’s worth sharing, my ability to form my emotions and impressions into sounds will improve a lot. I hope to drop a lot of music soon but I’m giving it the time to evolve. No deadline in sight. Only my ambitions and my will to create. Everyday a little further and hopefully someday something others can experience for themself. 

Streaming:

I have this fun side quest where I stream games on Twitch. I’m an affiliate but just a small fish in the immense ocean that is the streaming world. It’s just my funny little thingy. Probably won’t develop into anything but a fun outlet that has nothing to do with music and that’s honestly very refreshing.